Few things in life focus your attention more than a firing squad.
That’s how Harry’s note began. Buddy wouldn’t find it until afterward, and Harry never gave a hint during his final minutes that he’d written anything. He’d gone into the guest room at VORland’s End with Doctor Jonson, who was going to administer the lethal injection. When Buddy, Bernice, and Jen followed later, they found Harry on the bed, propped up by a stack of pillows. Ever the gentleman, he’d insisted on the guest room because he didn’t want his ghost haunting Bernie.
“She’ll have enough trouble getting over this without waking in the night and rediscovering me not there, then thinking about me dying in our bed,” was how he put it. “Anyway, he added, “We’re all guests here on this planet, aren’t we?”
Practical, considerate, crotchety, vintage Harry Sanderson right to the end. “Bye,” he said fondly, holding Bernie in his gaze as Doctor Jonson pushed the plunger into the barrel, injecting the morphine into his vein through the attached IV tube.
“I love you.” She responded with a broken smile, squeezing his hand. “Bye, my love. My quiet hero.”
Then he swivelled his head in its nest to look at Jenny. “I’m so proud of you, my dear. So proud,” he said, through the slur of medication. “Of all the things I’ve done in this world, nothing gives me more joy than you, honey. I’m so sorry to leave you like this.”
“That’s okay, Dad,” she quavered. “Love you!”
And that was it. Consciousness sort of evaporated as he said his last goodbye to Jenny. His breathing became shallow, his head lolled, and he slipped sideways on the pillows, asleep. Buddy, sitting at the foot of the bed in an antique wooden chair, wished Harry had glanced his way before he’d gone, then chastised himself. Wasn’t it enough they let me be with them to see him off? Wasn’t that enough?
Apparently not. Despite the idiocy of it, he felt snubbed… just a little.
Harry would have laughed if he’d known. The thought made Buddy smile himself, imperceptibly.
He felt the weight of Harry’s journal in his lap. It had been sitting on the guest-room bureau when they entered the room. “It’s yours to keep,” Harry announced from his deathbed. “Take it. Don’t know whether I’d call it a gift or a burden, but whatever, it’s yours to do with as you please, my friend.”
I knew what he was up to. So did Jenny. She flashed a hurt look my way, then regained her composure and accepted what she’d come to expect. Forgave me—a second time—for being there.
Bernie glanced between the two of us, hoping to god we wouldn’t get into some sort of spat. Not now! I could feel her imploring. I lowered my eyes, trying not to look at the blue, three-ring binder that contained the years of scribbled entries Harry had made after his ‘sorties’ into the walls of Mural Town.
Only later did Buddy find Harry’s parting note, tucked into a plastic sleeve inside the journal’s cover. It grabbed his attention with the ‘firing squad’ allusion, then continued…
By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. The Mural Gazer legacy will be yours to keep, add to, or end. I have no right to expect you’ll continue spinning the fantasies of a crazy old man. But if you do, and if you’re looking for some sage advice, you’ll know where to find me, or at least the memory of me: inside the walls, Buddy. Inside the walls!
Which wall? I’ve visited just about all of them over the years, but my favourite place is By the Bay, where the arbutus trees frame the ocean. Go there, even in your imagination, and I’ll be there. ‘Whispering in the leaves,’ as you might put it. ‘Or in the lapping of the waves.’
Buddy could almost hear Harry chuckling in the rustling of the page.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had a best friend, Buddy. I’m glad I got to meet you before I checked out. I only have one postmortem request. Be there for Bernie if you can. I’ve asked her to transfer ownership of the Looner Module to you. Take it wherever you want. It’s yours. But drop in on VORland’s End from time to time, or better yet, make it home base. She loves you like a son, Buddy, and needs a son to love right now.
Happy Travels,
Love,
Harry
Next: By the Bay